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We all know people like
them, people who seem to know everyone. They're always able to help -- or if
they can't, they know someone who can. You meet them for the first time and in
15 minutes, you're talking with them like you're childhood friends. They're
successful, smart and funny, with a likable touch of self-deprecation. And
they're interested in everything.
Who are they? Connectors. Take Maryam Banikarim,
senior vice president and chief marketing officer at Gannett, publisher of USA
Today. She has a perfect job for a connector -- she helps link Gannett's
various newspapers and media outlets "and bring the pieces together."
"I like people and am genuinely curious,"
says Banikarim, 42. "I like stories and want to make connections. But I
didn't know the word for it until my husband read Malcolm Gladwell's The
Tipping Point and said, 'I finally have a word for you -- a connector.'
"
As Gladwell writes,
"sprinkled among every walk of life . . . are a handful of people with a
truly extraordinary knack of making friends and acquaintances. They are
Connectors." Gladwell describes them as having an ability to span many
different worlds, subcultures and niches.
Traits such as energy,
insatiable curiosity and a willingness to take chances seem to be the common
thread among connectors -- as well as an insistence that connecting is not the
same as networking.
"Networking I see as a means to an end,"
says Jill Leiderman, executive producer of the late-night show Jimmy
Kimmel Live. But connecting, she explains, is about using a genuine love of
meeting people and making friends to engage and assist one another.
Connectors show a
willingness to venture outside their comfort zones. For example, comedy writer
Josh Bycel (shown top) visited a Darfur refugee camp six years ago, and on the
way home he came up with the idea of raising money for a medical clinic for the
camp. In three weeks, he had collected $50,000.
That idea grew into a nonprofit called OneKid OneWorld, which
aims to connect schools in the United States with those in Kenya and other
developing countries to provide everything from books to clean water.
"I'm a comedy writer.
I don't know anything about building schools," says Bycel, 40, who lives
in Los Angeles. "But I'm interested in learning. You need to get out and
make connections outside of your own world. Being interested in lots of
different things by definition allows you to be a connector."
The willingness to reach
out to someone you don't know is crucial to the art of connecting, and especially
important in uncertain economic times. Those who are in mid-career and may have
worked for one company for years should learn connecting skills before they
need them.
For instance, most
people's natural inclination is to seek out friends at meetings and mealtimes.
Banikarim says not to do that. "It's easy to sit with someone you
know," she says. "It's hard, but more interesting, to sit with
someone you don't know. This is not like high school. It's not just the losers
who don't have somewhere to sit."
It may seem as if
connectors are born, not made, but that's not necessarily true. Banikarim was
forced to learn to reach out to people from an early age. She moved with her
family from Iran to Paris in 1979, then to Northern California, where there wasn't
an Iranian community. "I was often that new kid," she says. When she
started college at Barnard, "I knew it was either sink or swim. The first
week of school, I joined every club and went to every meeting. I ended up as
freshman class president."
Joining clubs and organizations is a terrific way to
find like-minded people, but only go when you have an interest -- and don't
attend endless networking get-togethers. Keith Ferrazzi,
author ofNever Eat Alone, says he has never been to an official networking
event. Instead, he advises, join organizations that focus on the events and
activities you love.
"I have a friend who
is the executive vice president of a large bank in Charlotte," he writes
in his book. "His networking hotspot is, of all places, the YMCA. He tells
me that at 5 and 6 in the morning, the place is buzzing with exercise fanatics
like himself getting in a workout before they go to the office. He scouts the
place for entrepreneurs, current customers and prospects."
Of course, when you're
walking into that first meeting or class and facing a bunch of strangers, the
instinct is to flee. That's all right. The point is not to ignore the fear, but
acknowledge it -- and then work through it.
"I sort of just run into fear, as I run into chaos,"
says Banikarim, whom The New York Post named one of the 50 most powerful women in New York City in 2008 when she
worked at Univision. "You breathe deep, and you have to remember that
everyone is scared."
Perhaps one of the most
important attributes of a connector is a willingness to help and to reach out
even if there is no obvious or immediate payback.
That means thinking long-term. Jen Singer is the founder
of the blog Mommasaid.net,
author of five books, a Pull-Ups spokeswoman and an undeniable connector.
"The biggest mistake people make is they think 'if I help this person,
that will happen immediately.' We have to stop thinking in linear terms,"
she says.
Helping others out doesn't
mean you can't hold some things back. Singer, 44, uses the word
"coopetition" -- a combination of competition and cooperation -- to
describe her philosophy. "I think this generation understands you share,
but also protect your own interests -- you don't give a key to everything you
have. It's a line you have to learn to walk."
Finally, a connector also
occasionally has to disconnect. Leiderman says her boyfriend "has taken away
my Blackberry so I can super-connect with him."
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